Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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