I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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