If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
