You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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