Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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