You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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