Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
