normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
