Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
