If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
