My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
