First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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