I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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