so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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