drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
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