It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
