You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
