when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
