i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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