I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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