Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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