the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
