We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
