girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize