one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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