I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
