Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
