I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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