um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
