Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
