i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
And the cops told us we were all naked.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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