i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she woke up with a sticky ear
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
