I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
