1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
