after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
