I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
tell me about the fingering
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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