Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
