Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
