no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
