...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
