tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
