Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
