i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
