Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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