Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize