Pants 0. Shit 1.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
