let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
