He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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