I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
