Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
