Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
