Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
