The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
