Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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