I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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