First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
