Screwed.edu
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So squirting runs in the family.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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