True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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