Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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