dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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