mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
