it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
