Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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