i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
