all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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