i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just forgot I was standing up.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
