I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
