Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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