Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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