You really coming over, don't trick.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
