All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
