M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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