she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
