Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm bleeding and have questions
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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