Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
