Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize