shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
