Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
