So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Too much gin, very little bucket
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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