Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
