My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
