I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I lost the right to judge tonight
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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