He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
