Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
