I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
