he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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