i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
