I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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