Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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