my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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